Sunday, 23 May 2010

The Dalevich-ionary

Abbadabbashabbalabba – to genetically create a musical act hybrid in your own laboratory, generally used to refer to the laboratory itself.


Arglefogey – An old person with a penchant for placing toy plastic rhinos in wood burning stoves


Dervelkefflechuck – The act of making people go around you when you are passing wind and then wafting it at them when they pass while giggling cheekily to yourself.


Dervelkefflechucker- The sort of person who Dervelkefflechucks


DervelkefflechuckeeThe victim of Dervelkefflechucking he/she who has been Dervelkefflechucked..


Dervelgustea – The slightly ill feeling a victim of Dervelkefflechuck gets when they pass a Dervelkefflechucker


Egremont – To remove a baby Eagle from a plinth, have a look at it then put it back down again


Falcogeminihampaphobia – the fear of finding a Falcon born in June in your picnic container


Grurgle – a small burp that resembles speech


Harimotheftophobia – The fear of having your fruity sweets stolen by a moth.


Hayokelure – the act of enticing a man from a small country village for reasons unknown.


Ibbledosh – The light green powdery substance found at the bottom of a pack of Jaffa Cakes that has been lent to a drummer from Swindon upon it’s return.


Jaruty – The act of making a large item of furniture fit through a small doorway by asking it politely.


Kernyurken – Small tent made from the skin of Bees.


London – To have leant on something then got bored and stopped leaning.


Myykitumble – To take part in a Tombola style raffle whilst holding a microphone and standing with a person called Michael or Michaela.


Neffs – The small inexplicable fluffy bits from a tumble dryer, the colour of which matches no garment you own.


Oculact – To make Milk come from the corner of your eyes to feed to an abandoned baby otter found at a riverside


Pabblestrop – To use a Rock or stone as an oar in an angry manner on loss of wooden oar from rowing boat.


Spandaramafistothroatostereophobia – the fear of being punched in the neck while listening to eighties music on the radio.


Shpoodle – The act of pushing a small curly haired dog into the path of an oncoming pensioner.


Yogel – The act of shouting “Ya-aye-ee Boo-Boo” from the side of a Scandinavian mountain



Saturday, 22 May 2010

The Pineapple Scale

I have been going on for weeks about something that has caught the attention of literally two or three people.

It's the Pineapple Scale.

But what is this crazy scale I hear no-one cry.

Allow me to elaborate but first here's a little bit of background.....

I do not have Sky.

By that I don't mean I am in danger of freezing to death or being radiationed into little bits by a solar pummelling due to a lack of atmosphere. I of course mean I do not subscribe to the wide range of quality programming offered by the British Sky Broadcasting media group. I'm a freeview kinda guy and I'm fine with that. DON'T JUDGE ME!!!

So I was blissfully ignorant to a certain phenomena until Harry Hill began sharing his observations on his TV Burp.

I am of course referring to 'Pineapple Dance Studios' with the inhumanly energetic stubble-fest that is Louis Spence.

This is him here.

You know who I mean?

Thought you might, well to say that this man is camper than a branch of Outdoor World makes the word 'understatement' makes an understatement of the word understatement. He must live on a diet of Red Bull (other energy drinks are available), pink wafer biscuits and Absinthe.


He makes this man....
















Looks like this man.....
















so...in his honour I have devised a scale of campness using this man here....






The Pineapple Scale









it's quite simple it runs from one to ten....Louis is a quite clearly the ten.

I know what you're thinking...."Surely he's at least a 15...mumble mumble mumble..."

But no, he IS the scale and you really have to be going some to get a 10 in this scale let me tell
ya.

I have no problem with him...okay, I might switch to the paint drying channel to calm down after a couple of microseconds of seeing him on telly but he is who he is and in his honour I have devised this measuring device.

Oh, by the way...if you're still not convinced, check this out.


Fair's fair, he's a nimble little bugger.

I wonder how far most people will get before they search out a video featuring a sunset or a locked off shot of some concrete.